Have you ever taken a yoga class? They typically start with some start of mantra, meditation, or moment of silence as a way to help you arrive in class – that is as a way to help you be more present and leave all the things behind that might keep you distracted, like your busy day at work or problems in your relationships. Yoga classes usually end in a similar way – again as a way to help you re-enter the world.
Drs. John & Julie Gottman’s (https://www.gottman.com/) research shows us the importance of “comings and goings” for couples. They say that successful couples have rituals in the mornings and evenings when they leave each other for the day and when they come back to each other in the evening and that having these rituals helps us feel more connected to each other.
Another way of understanding this is that these rituals help us to be more present – just like in a yoga class they help us leave behind what happened in our day and attend to what’s right in front of us, namely our partner. It’s like we’re saying to ourselves and to each other, “I’m here for you now. There’s a lot that’s happened in my day but in this moment, right now, I’m attending to you and you alone.” When we get that from another human being, even if fleeting, it can feel so good! And it can help us operate more as a team.
So, what are some coming and going rituals you could put in place in your relationship? A kiss? Greetings? Eye contact?
If you’re interested in finding out more about what rituals you can put in place to improve your relationship, call me!
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