For some couples, reading outside of the office helps clarify the understanding they gain during sessions. For those people there are a handful of resources I go back to again and again and I’ve listed them below. The specific ways they apply to you and your relationship are of course unique but the general concepts talked about help everyone!
- Men, Women, and Worthiness by Brene Brown
Well once again I have to admit that I love anything written by Brene Brown – but I especially love to hear her talk. She’s funny, witty, and so personable. So this isn’t a book but an audio CD where she helps us understand the dynamics at play in our relationships that keep us distant from each other and afraid of connecting. One of the points she makes here that I come back to again and again (as a therapist and as a married person) is that if as women we want men to be more emotionally vulnerable and open (which so many of us say we want) then we have to be more able to tolerate our own fear and sadness. If I ask my husband to open up to me and then he does and cries but my social conditioning says crying is weakness then I’m only more likely to shut him down – which teaches him I’m not safe to open up to. And this repeats and exacerbates the pattern of him not talking to me – and then me feeling sad or mad because he’s not. But this mixed message is very unfair to him! So, in this audio CD, Brene Brown delves deep into this subject and teaches us how we might approach our partners differently.
If you’re interested in finding out more about how this could improve your relationship, call me! And come back in a few days for my #3 resource!
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