Have you ever wondered what’s happening in your body when you breathedeeply and why it can feel so relaxing? Of course, our bodies are always breathingand it’s something we do unconsciously. But when you can bring consciousawareness to your breath and deepen your exhale, it can be possible to experiencedeeper relaxation. This skill can be particularly important if you need to regulateyour anger during conflict and ensure you don’t escalate things further – whether atwork or at home, it’s an essential skill.In fact, deep and slow diaphragmatic breath can be one of the most effectiveand important things we can do...

The symbol of the red lotus has always spoken to me. Does it to you too? I oftenprovide individual and couples counseling to those experiencing a major transition inlife. And the red lotus is an important symbol when contemplating transition – itsymbolizes what transition can be like. A lotus flower only grows in the murkiest,darkest, and muddiest of waters. And it can’t grow anywhere else. But when it blooms,it remains untouched by this dirt – beautiful, radiant, and glowing. Just as the rootsremain in this water, we cannot escape our past hurts and longings.But we can learn to blossom. We...

Using nonviolent communication can be incredibly helpful, especially in times ofturmoil. In therapy with my clients, we practice using this model and I canencourage you where you may get stuck.In a nutshell, the model consists of four steps. I describe the steps below and use anexample of a partner home late to help illustrate its use. What I hope you notice isthe consistent use of “I” statements. Instead of pointing fingers, which can makeyour partner defensive, talk about YOU!THE FACTSHere’s the time to be as specific as possible, taking care to avoid any blaming orjudgmental language. So, for example:“You said...

One of my mentors recently reminded me of the four basic principles of manyspiritual and psychological paths:Show Up Be Present Speak Your Truth Let GoSounds easy, right? If only!There’s much to say about each of these steps so for now let’s start with:1 – Showing Up.In a way, that’s the hardest part. So many things keep us from showing up – in ourown lives and with others. We’re afraid of how others might judge us. So we close offany possibility by just not showing up in the first place. I may want to start a newyoga practice, take a Spanish...

You’ve probably never heard of the idea of “limbic resonance” but once youunderstand it, it has the power to radically change your relationship. The idea,promulgated by Lewis, Amini, and Lannon in their book “A General Theory of Love”posits that our nervous systems react and respond to those around us – we aren’tsimply islands where no one has an effect on us. When people around us areanxious or charismatic, we can feel that. And once we feel it our nervous systemsrespond in kind. So, how could that concept help us in relationship?I recently received a call from a bank claiming I...

Do you identify as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? I do – and if you do too, you knowthat HSPs feel deeply.Because we’re sensitive and feel our feelings deeply, our nervous systems can geteasily flooded – especially during relationship conflict. It’s so important for us to workon slowing down and soothing ourselves – like practicing breathing deeply, petting ourdogs/cats, and having a self-care plan for after conflict like taking a hot bath or a walk.Conflict for us can be deeply confusing and upsetting. Because we grow up in a culturethat doesn’t appreciate our unique gifts many of us learned to...

When you’re in the midst of great loss, life can seem incredibly confusing. Whilefeeling great sadness, anger, or overwhelm, there may be people around you tellingyou “it’s time to move on,” to just “let go,” or giving you a timetable in which tomourn your loss. Meanwhile, you’re feeling incredible sadness, anger, and confusion.Often well-intentioned family members and friends, who don’t want to see us suffer,or haven’t given themselves the space they need to grieve, give advice that’s just notthat helpful.But grieving needs to occur on your schedule and in a way that feels right to you.And therapy is an appropriate...

On her way back from lunch with a group of men at work, my client continued to feel excited.She had just landed a job at a tech start-up and was invited spontaneously. She and four malecolleagues all geeked out about their favorite comic books and video games. As theconversation continued, the four men commented on an attractive woman passing by on thestreet; to my client it was objectifying but not creepy. Instantly her excitement faded; in itsplace came fear and shame.How would you feel? How would you respond?I’m interested in understanding and helping women in Austin working in tech related...

In therapy with my clients, I often ask them to identify their feelings. As cliché as itsounds, I’ll ask, “what are you feeling right now: mad, sad, glad, scared?” While someof my clients find it frustrating, there’s a good reason for this question. And overtime, my clients discover why. When you are able to clearly express what you’refeeling, you are more easily able to identify what need you have, and work to get itmet. Naming your feelings also helps you to slow down, become more aware ofwhat’s happening in your body and mind, and begin to consciously choose yourbehaviors, instead...

Contraction and expansion is the natural rhythm of life. We inhale and expand, weexhale and contract. We wake and expand, we sleep and contract. We eat andexpand, we digest and contract. We exercise, work, think, write and expand, wewatch TV and contract.This rhythm also occurs in relationship, at work, and inside ourselves. It’s anatural rhythm. But our culture doesn’t often support that rhythm. It’s a go, go, goculture. As the saying goes, “If you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean.”So it’s worth asking what happens when we don’t take the necessary time our mindsand bodies need to...