You’ve probably never heard of the idea of “limbic resonance” but once youunderstand it, it has the power to radically change your relationship. The idea,promulgated by Lewis, Amini, and Lannon in their book “A General Theory of Love”posits that our nervous systems react and respond to those around us – we aren’tsimply islands where no one has an effect on us. When people around us areanxious or charismatic, we can feel that. And once we feel it our nervous systemsrespond in kind. So, how could that concept help us in relationship?I recently received a call from a bank claiming I...
Do you identify as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? I do – and if you do too, you knowthat HSPs feel deeply.Because we’re sensitive and feel our feelings deeply, our nervous systems can geteasily flooded – especially during relationship conflict. It’s so important for us to workon slowing down and soothing ourselves – like practicing breathing deeply, petting ourdogs/cats, and having a self-care plan for after conflict like taking a hot bath or a walk.Conflict for us can be deeply confusing and upsetting. Because we grow up in a culturethat doesn’t appreciate our unique gifts many of us learned to...
When you’re in the midst of great loss, life can seem incredibly confusing. Whilefeeling great sadness, anger, or overwhelm, there may be people around you tellingyou “it’s time to move on,” to just “let go,” or giving you a timetable in which tomourn your loss. Meanwhile, you’re feeling incredible sadness, anger, and confusion.Often well-intentioned family members and friends, who don’t want to see us suffer,or haven’t given themselves the space they need to grieve, give advice that’s just notthat helpful.But grieving needs to occur on your schedule and in a way that feels right to you.And therapy is an appropriate...
On her way back from lunch with a group of men at work, my client continued to feel excited.She had just landed a job at a tech start-up and was invited spontaneously. She and four malecolleagues all geeked out about their favorite comic books and video games. As theconversation continued, the four men commented on an attractive woman passing by on thestreet; to my client it was objectifying but not creepy. Instantly her excitement faded; in itsplace came fear and shame.How would you feel? How would you respond?I’m interested in understanding and helping women in Austin working in tech related...
In therapy with my clients, I often ask them to identify their feelings. As cliché as itsounds, I’ll ask, “what are you feeling right now: mad, sad, glad, scared?” While someof my clients find it frustrating, there’s a good reason for this question. And overtime, my clients discover why. When you are able to clearly express what you’refeeling, you are more easily able to identify what need you have, and work to get itmet. Naming your feelings also helps you to slow down, become more aware ofwhat’s happening in your body and mind, and begin to consciously choose yourbehaviors, instead...
Contraction and expansion is the natural rhythm of life. We inhale and expand, weexhale and contract. We wake and expand, we sleep and contract. We eat andexpand, we digest and contract. We exercise, work, think, write and expand, wewatch TV and contract.This rhythm also occurs in relationship, at work, and inside ourselves. It’s anatural rhythm. But our culture doesn’t often support that rhythm. It’s a go, go, goculture. As the saying goes, “If you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean.”So it’s worth asking what happens when we don’t take the necessary time our mindsand bodies need to...
Often during painful transitions, we turn on ourselves. An otherwise dormant innercritic might come to you – and loudly. I know that during painful transitions in my ownlife, like experiencing the death of my father as an older adolescent, I often told myself I“should” be handling this better. Painful transitions can mean we compare ourselves toothers. We say to ourselves, “I shouldn’t still be feeling this badly.” Or, “Why can’t I justget over it and move on.”Certainly, society doesn’t help. We are bombarded with images and messages that tellus feeling sad is scary, and that if something bad happens we...
Polls show increasing amounts of Americans are worried about the health of our democracy.I’m one of them. Hearing political leaders call for extreme acts of violence towards those theydeem their enemy is terribly frightening. And it’s certainly undemocratic. That’s to say nothingof policy proposals that seek to create greater inequality and disparage difference. But if I’mbeing honest, I have used incredibly violent language against myself. I have treated myself asunequal, lesser than, not as capable, and have definitely not celebrated my difference.While I wish I could control the outcome of the election I cannot. What I can do is work...
I may be putting myself out of business here but couples counseling as a client is SO HARD!When your partner is in the room arguing with you, you get the “opportunity” to see yourself inaction. Do you attack back – unleashing insults? Do you shut down in silence – putting up a wallof ice? Do you condescend to your partner – letting them know how uninformed they are? Doyou see how overbearing and controlling you can be? (Ahem, not me once ever, not ever.) Doyou sit there with your arms crossed looking at me the therapist with the expression: “You...