Often during painful transitions, we turn on ourselves. An otherwise dormant inner
critic might come to you – and loudly. I know that during painful transitions in my own
life, like experiencing the death of my father as an older adolescent, I often told myself I
“should” be handling this better. Painful transitions can mean we compare ourselves to
others. We say to ourselves, “I shouldn’t still be feeling this badly.” Or, “Why can’t I just
get over it and move on.”

Certainly, society doesn’t help. We are bombarded with images and messages that tell
us feeling sad is scary, and that if something bad happens we should “pull ourselves up
by the bootstraps.” Often, our family and friends can inadvertently send us these
messages as well. They may feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say
or feel helpless.

So, if this describes your current situation, I want you to consider something, and once
again it’s not something our society and culture really value. But I want you to begin
practicing self-compassion and self-care. Just like with any new activity – learning to
play a new sport for instance – you will be a beginner for a while. Muscles you’ve
haven’t used in a while will become sore. You may want to give up because you think
you’re just not that good at it. But a sustained practice of self-care can yield enormous
benefits.

So, what is self-care, or self-compassion? These two words are popular in psychological
circles these days. You can undoubtedly find many definitions, and I offer you mine
here. For me, self-care is a sustained practice of love and devotion to yourself. Just as
you would lovingly take care of your child, partner, or beloved pet, so must you learn to
turn that compassionate energy inward. What does it look like? For sure, it will look
different for different people. For me, I take time for myself. On a daily basis, I walk,
read, breathe, stretch, and relax. I am also learning to stop myself when I compare and
judge myself. I say “STOP” loudly in my head and redirect my attention to a loving, kind
thought.

What will this look like for you? For some of my clients, journaling works. For some,
tapping in the form of EFT works. And for others, using mantra or daily affirmation
works. What’s important is to find what works for you and use it. If you’re interested in
exploring what this might look like for you, I want to help. If you think we might be a
good fit, please give me a call. And thank you.