9 Steps to Managing Conflict, #5: Pet Your Dog, AKA Soothe Yourself
We grow up in such a harsh culture.
One that says, “Suck it Up,” “Soldier On,” “Gitter Done.”
During an argument, that voice isn’t so helpful.
You are allowed to take care of yourself.
Did you hear that? You are allowed to take care of yourself. And when an argument is escalating, it’s a great time to help your body calm down. So just like with breathing, there are things we can do to activate our parasympathetic nervous system.
Petting your dog, or cat, is a great tip. This automatically calms us down. Do you have a favorite blanket, stone, good luck charm, or toy? This is the time to get them out and use them. I have this great neck wrap that I love using. It’s warm and soft and looks like a dolphin – so it’s cute and cuddly. I also love my dog and he loves attention and affection (that’s my dog Cosmo in the picture!).
Do you know about Kristen Neff’s work on self-compassion and self-care? She teaches at UT and is an amazing local resource. If you doubt me that soothing yourself is really so important, please check out her website!
What are the things in your life that help calm you down and re-center you?
If you’d like to learn more about how to manage conflict in your relationship, call me.
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