Often during painful transitions, we turn on ourselves. An otherwise dormant inner critic might come to you – and loudly.
I know that during painful transitions in my own life, like experiencing the death of my father as an older adolescent, I often told myself I “should” be handling this better.
Painful transitions can mean we compare ourselves to others. We say to ourselves, “I shouldn’t still be feeling this badly.” Or, “Why can’t I just get over it and move on.”
Certainly, society doesn’t help. We are bombarded with images and messages that tell us feeling sad is scary, and that if something bad happens we should “pull ourselves up by the bootstraps.” Often, our family and friends can inadvertently send us these messages as well. They may feel uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say or feel helpless.
So, if this describes your current situation, I want you to consider something, and once again it’s not something our society and culture really value.
I want you to begin practicing self-compassion and self-care.
Just like with any new activity – learning to play tennis or the piano – you will be a beginner for a while.
Muscles you’ve haven’t used in a while will become sore. You may want to give up because you think you’re just not that good at it. But a sustained practice of self-care can yield enormous benefits.
So, what is self-care, or self-compassion?
These two words are popular in psychological circles these days, and for good reason. You can undoubtedly find many definitions, and I offer you mine here. For me, self-care is a sustained practice of love and devotion to yourself. Just as you would lovingly take care of your child, partner, or beloved pet, so must you learn to turn that compassionate energy inward. What does it look like? For sure, it will look different for different people. For me, I take time for myself. On a daily basis, I walk, read, breathe, stretch, and relax. I am also learning to stop myself when I compare and judge myself. I say “STOP” loudly in my head and redirect my attention to a loving, kind thought.
What will this look like for you? For some of my clients, journaling works. For some, tapping in the form of EFT works. And for others, using mantra or daily affirmation works.
What’s important is to find what works for you and use it.
If you’re interested in exploring what this might look like for you, I want to help. If you think we might be a good fit, please give me a call. And thank you.
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