Entering therapy is an important decision and there may be a few helpful things to know before you get started.
First, I firmly believe that a good fit between therapist and client is essential. You must feel safe, supported, and validated. If you do not feel safe, it will be difficult to be challenged – and a good therapist can challenge you in an honest and loving way. (It’s important that in therapy we be challenged – else how can we really grow?) As in individual therapy, in couples therapy, it is important to feel safe.
Second, it is helpful to know something about the approach your therapist will take during your work together. If you are unsure why your therapist is asking you to think about or do something in session, ask. She or he should be happy to discuss it with you. Remember, this is your therapy!
Lastly, you should leave your first session clear about what the expectations are for therapy: how much will you be charged, will you meet weekly, what time is your session and how long does each session last, what is confidential and what might the therapist be legally mandated to report? If you are not clear, ask!
In my first session with clients, I like to take the time to get to know you and what brought you to therapy. And I also want to discuss my approach to us working together.
I like to think of therapy as a turning on and a turning inward of a flashlight. So take a moment to imagine I’m holding a flashlight. In an attempt to safely make it through our often hectic lives, we move throughout our day unaware of ourselves, our reactions and feelings. At the same time, we are often painfully aware of how others respond to us – in seemingly ineffectively ways. In essence, our flashlight is pointed outward.
Working together, we will begin to shine the flashlight inward, patiently and compassionately wondering what’s inside. By doing this, we also begin to take greater responsibility for ourselves, and the way we are in relationship. You can also think of this flashlight as your attention or your consciousness. When your light shines on others, your attention will be on others. When it shines inwardly, your consciousness can attune to your own moment-by-moment sensations and feelings.
In my personal life, I like to use the metaphor of a flashlight – when my flashlight is pointed away from me, I blame others for my feelings and fail to take responsibility. When I am able to direct the flashlight inward, I know I cannot control those around me but I can be honest about what I’m feeling, and respond and behave in ways that feel congruent.
My promise to clients is to provide a safe, hopeful and challenging environment in which we both grow as a result. I want to help. If you think we might be a good fit, please give me a call. And thank you.
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