When you’re in the midst of great loss, life can seem incredibly confusing.

While feeling great sadness, anger, or overwhelm, there may be people around you telling you “it’s time to move on,” to just “let go,” or giving you a timetable in which to mourn your loss. Meanwhile, you’re feeling incredible sadness, anger, and confusion. Often well-intentioned family members and friends, who don’t want to see us suffer, or haven’t given themselves the space they need to grieve, give advice that’s just not that helpful.

But grieving needs to occur on your schedule and in a way that feels right to you.

And therapy is an appropriate place to do this.

It’s important to choose a therapist that gives you the space and freedom to discuss your loss, the inadequacy of our friends’ and community’s response, and what life might look like now. In addition to having a place to discuss your loss, therapy can be helpful in talking about your fond memories. Feel free to bring pictures, meaningful keepsakes and rememberances so that your therapist can share in your experience. You can also use that time to talk through and create rituals that will help you mark anniversaries and milestones.

One more helpful practice when mourning an important loss is to practice proper breathing. Most of us experience difficulty breathing properly. Often we breathe high in our chests or don’t exhale fully. This is especially true when our lives have been turned upside down. But, when you can learn to take full deep satisfying breaths, anxiety recedes and depression lifts.

Working with a therapist who has experienced painful grief can help you feel confident you will be listened to compassionately and knowingly. I encourage you to ask if your therapist has experienced grief and/or if your therapist works on herself through her own therapy. Don’t be afraid to ask to practice breathing exercises as well.

Please contact me if I can be of help. Grief is an area I enjoy working with and feel I can be helpful.