In therapy with my clients, I often ask them to identify their feelings. As cliché as it
sounds, I’ll ask, “what are you feeling right now: mad, sad, glad, scared?” While some
of my clients find it frustrating, there’s a good reason for this question. And over
time, my clients discover why. When you are able to clearly express what you’re
feeling, you are more easily able to identify what need you have, and work to get it
met. Naming your feelings also helps you to slow down, become more aware of
what’s happening in your body and mind, and begin to consciously choose your
behaviors, instead of simply reacting to them.

Sounds easy, right? Not necessarily. Naming our feelings can be scary. It can make us
vulnerable in ways our personal histories tell us is too scary. In addition, we can talk
ourselves out of how we feel. If what we’re feeling isn’t “rational,” or “justified,” we’ll
attempt to deny it. For example, one appropriate emotional response to death can
be anger, but many of us suppress that feeling. We wrongly believe since “they
didn’t want to die, I can’t be mad.” Of course you can! Primarily because we can’t
choose our feelings, they just are. But, we can choose what we DO with our
feelings.

And here’s where a lot of us mess up. We unconsciously create a pattern wherein we
feel anger, as an example, deny that we’re feeling it because we think we shouldn’t,
and then instead of talking about it, we explode – like a soda can that gets shaken
repeatedly and ultimately explodes.

If you’re interested in learning more about how understanding and being able to
communicate your feelings can improve your life, call me at 512.669.0395 to get
started. Thank you!