9 Steps to Managing Conflict, #3: Learn Deep Breathing
Right now you may be thinking that’s the dumbest advice you’ve ever heard.
You may figure – if that’s all it takes then I wouldn’t be in conflict because I’m always breathing!
But let’s take a closer look. When you breathe deeply – with the intention of relaxing – you automatically kick start your parasympathetic nervous system. That’s the part of our body that lets us chill out. When you breathe – with the intention of relaxing – try lengthening your exhale. Inhale for 3 counts and then exhale as if you had a straw in your mouth. You can actually do this by pursing your lips. Or you can just imagine it in your mind, breathing out either through your nose or mouth. The point is that you’re invoking a way to make your exhale last longer than your inhale. When you do this, your body’s tension starts to dissolve. The longer you’re able to do it, the more tension you can dissolve.
You may have noticed I repeated myself about having an intention of relaxing.
That’s for a good reason.
When we bring attention to our breath, sometimes we counter-intuitively get even more anxious. Your mind starts to focus back on the fight – or all the things you need to get done. If this happens for you, try using a word when you inhale and a different word when you exhale. You could try “Calm,” “Peace,” “Serene,” or “Safe” during inhalation and “Let Go,” “Unwind,” “Soften,” or “Relax” during exhalation.
At the end of this blog post, I’ve shared an audio meditation I like doing with my clients. Test it out and see if it works for you. If you’d like to learn more about how to manage conflict in your relationship, call me.
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